Subway pet peeves

In December The New York Times ran an editorial about subway etiquette that was in response to some new city regulations that prohibit people from putting their feet on seats. The author wrote about some of the other subway transgressions that might be worth regulating, including taking up seats with shopping bags and high-poundage persons trying to squeeze into small seats. Here's some of my biggest subway pet peeves in no particular order:

—People talking really loudly or making a lot of noise in an otherwise quiet car. For some reason if there’s a lot of chatter or background noise, I don’t mind it so much. But every once in a while the subway ride can be peacefully quiet, and when those silences become disrupted with loud talking or cackling it really grates on my nerves. The other day on a crowded 4 train a woman and her girlfriend (or very effeminate boyfriend? Hard to tell without looking straight at them) were talking and giggling really loudly, and their kisses were loud smacks. Groan. It’s especially annoying if they are talking loudly in a different language, because then you don’t even get the option of eavesdropping if you wanted to.

—People who stand by the door on a crowded train and don't step off to let others off, or at least don't turn sideways to let the foot traffic out. Get out of the frickin’ way!!!!!!

—People who eat on the subway. This is just plain gross. Ew. Usually the perp is eating McDonald's or some form of fast food. One doesn't grab a hamburger with the same hand that one uses to grab the subway pole.

—Panhandlers who sing like two lines of a song and then expect a donation. SNL did a funny skit about this; they showed various types of panhandlers getting on the subway, but one of the riders constantly refuses to give money, giving a poor critique to the performers. I don't like uninspired panhandling performances. Give me something to work with, people!! On a side note, I think that panhandlers should be employed as telemarketers. They are good at memorizing canned speeches, sound convincing when retelling the same stories over and over again (like the woman with her baby who claims to be trying to collect bus fare to her home in North Carolina; it seems this woman has been stuck for at least a year or two), and handle rejection quite well.

—People who lean against the subway pole, creating no space for others to grab the poles.

—Guys who open their legs wide and encroach upon your personal space when you’re sitting next to them. I’ve found this to be almost exclusively a guy thing.

—People who constantly say "excuse me" to get around you even though you’re also getting off at the next stop.

—Call me sexist, but guys, especially younger guys, who don’t get up to give their seat to an elderly person, pregnant woman, or young children. Women should do this as well, of course, but for some reason I find it so unchivalrous when guys don’t do it.

—People who leave trash on the subway. Take your food wrappers, glass bottles, and coffee cups with you, you $&!!# litterbugs!

—And finally, people who lean too much into the poles that are on the side of the subway seats that are closest to the doors. This often results in standers sticking their backpacks or jackets or arms into the faces of the sitters. I know sometimes this is unavoidable in a really crowded car, but I got clocked in the eye once by a girl who wrapped her arm around the pole. When she was pulling her arm out, she elbowed me in the eye. She was apologetic and I was nice about it, but I was still annoyed that I got hit.