Don't sneak into Batman Begins

Just saw Batman Begins. It rocked. Everyone should see it—even if you are not a Batman film fan. (Considering that the last 10 or whatever Batmen they’ve made suck, non-fans probably aren’t hard to find.) Bale’s Batman blows away those other Bat bitches. He’s seriously a total rock star, Michael Caine finally shows us that Alfred is a real person and not some mere unusually-devoted manservant, and Katie Holmes, well—she didn’t annoy me and make me think, “Hey, Joey Potter is playing an assistant DA,” which is saying a lot.

My only complaints were that the movie is a bit long (I think it runs about 2 hrs and 20 minutes), and Morgan Freeman could have had a bigger role. But watching the back story is worth the extra time, and Freeman is good in whatever he does, so whatevs. In this Batman you finally understand exactly who Bruce Wayne is and why he’s so physically impressive (I never quite believed that Michael Keaton would be able to take out beefy bad guys by his own abilities). By the way, did I mention Christian Bale is a total stud? He’s all ripped—pretty surprising considering his role right before was as a manorexic in The Machinist, which I’ve yet to see, but am almost afraid to because of his hollowed-out appearance.

I’m not one of those who pants after watching comic-book-cum-films, but Batman Begins is compelling on its own, even without the legacy behind it. (I can’t say the same for many other comic films I’ve seen; I wasn’t that impressed with the first Spiderman or either X-Men film). I think Christopher Nolan (see Memento, if you haven’t) might be my favorite filmmaker of the moment. (SPOILER ALERT: The ending implies a sequel, of course, but also that the sequel might include a Joker appearance—would be interesting to see if anyone replaces Jack Nicholson.) By the way, did I say yet that Christian Bale is exceedingly hot in this movie?

Anyway, my friend and I tried to do the juvenile thing and sneak into the War of the Worlds but after some reconnaissance work, we decided the bad-vest-clad theater attendees were safeguarding the theater entrances too securely. One guy was actually looking at the ticket stubs instead of doing the blasé-minimum-wage-worker glance over. It would have been great to execute a personal FU to the whole TomKat craze by not paying for at least one of their movies, but we decided not to chance it because of how embarrassed we would be to get caught and admonished as cheap, immature bastards—who are 30 years old, at that—who won’t shell out another $10.75 for a movie. Because the most criminal thing I’ve ever done is shoplift Mentos in junior high, sneaking into a movie is a thrill for me that’s probably on par with the rush a bank robber gets from a big heist. And it’s not really about the money, it’s about the thrill of beating the system. Alas, tonight my criminal intentions would not be fulfilled. But just you wait, Loews, I will get you yet. Buuuwaaahahahahhhh.