Rolling a fatty (not that kind of fatty, you bad person)

Instead of doing work, and finishing a story that I’m supposed to turn in on Monday, I’m watching the highly underrated “What Lies Beneath” on ABC. It’s actually quite suspenseful. I am in transcribing hell right now. Sigh. I hate this story.

Anyway, other than stressing about my story, I did get to do one fun thing last night. That’s go to the Fatty Crab and pig out. It’s a great restaurant, but there is a bit of meatpacking attitude when it comes to getting seated. They won’t seat more than four people, because large groups stay for a long time and thus reduce the customer churn. So our group had to be split up into different tables—they wouldn’t even let us sit in empty tables next to each other. Our waiter was nice, but the host with the evil handlebar mustache argued with one of our friends when she tried to ask if she could get seated next to us (they had seated several other people who came later than both sets of our friends, who were waiting for tables). I think every time he thwarts a large group of friends he twists the ends of his mustache sinisterly and snorts, “The crabbiest of all wins again. No parties of more than four shall ever patronize the Fatty Crab. Ahhahahahahhaha!!!!!”

I could have done without the Meatpacking Attitude, but the food was really sumptuous. I hate when people lick their fingers and moan while eating, but I may have been guilty of committing my own pet peeve. If you go there prepare to get down and dirty with the grub. And make sure the waiter consistently fills your water glass because it is pretty spicy. And fatty. Fat is so good. It melts in your mouth and in your hand. Then you lick your hand to get the fat plus the excess sauce that is drying on your fingers. Mmmmrrphhhh. Yum. Oh and did I mention it’s not too bad cost-wise? Too bad I forgoed (forewent?) any savings by drinking $11-$12 mojitos and mai tais at Spice Market.

This is totally random but I’m also craving right now Shanghai Café on Mott or Fried Dumpling on Allen. (You literally just go there and get like 30 fried dumplings for 5 bucks.) The best Chinese restaurants are like the best hookers. Dirty and cheap. Okay, that was gross. I don’t frequent hookers but I’ve always wanted to make a trucker-type analogy like that. But seriously, the best places to get food in Chinatown are those holes in the wall where you can seriously fill up on the most un-nutritious but oh-so-greasy-and-good noodles, dumplings, and roasted meats. I also love the Hentai restaurant on St. Mark’s. I don’t actually know what it’s called, but they have a good fatty pork Japanese tapas thing and cheap Kirin. I call it the Hentai place cause the menu and signage used to showcase those old Japanese sex paintings. Kinda gross when you’re eating but the food and prices are worth it. My penchant for cheap food in large volumes is not doing much for the expanding waistline. Sigh.