Miss Japan got robbed

Even though, as my friend says, The Donald sets the women’s movement back 50 years with the Miss Universe pageant, I still watched it to see which skinny bitch I wanted to root for. At least with Miss Universe, there’s no pretense of a “scholarship competition”; The Donald said so himself on Letterman, when he said, “no, it’s just about beautiful women.” It’s also about all-American B-list celebrity judges (like Tom Greene) in this “international” competition.

So I shouldn’t have been so upset then when Miss Puerto Rico won. But I was still annoyed that the most obviously plastic of them all got that Mikimoto tiara. There were quite a few cute girls I thought should have made the top 20 (Misses Australia and New Zealand, for instance) but when I saw the final picks, I thought, well as long as Miss Puerto Rico doesn’t win, I’ll be okay. Harrumph.

As far as I can tell, her nose, lips, and boobs appear to be fake (and she’s only 18, at that!). I personally was rooting for Miss Japan, whose national costume, a robo-anime-superheroine-technoskank hot red number, was the most awesomely campy and avant-garde outfit I’ve ever seen in a Miss Universe pageant. (It also won best costume.) And she was waving a samurai sword around when she was wearing it, a practically picture-perfect poster for any panting comic fanboy. But it wasn’t just that; she was perky and spoke four languages and danced flamenco and never stumbled when she had to get her game on. And even though she was unnaturally skinny as any pageant contestant would be, she wasn’t as obviously anorexic as most of the gals.

Of course, I’m sure every one of those stiletto-and-bikini clad contestants had work done, but I just think it’s sad that the one with the worst plastic surgery job nabbed the crown. Oh well…at least there was a fitting ending to her win: Miss PR fainted during the press event, probably from not having eaten since a week ago. How’s she gonna travel the world as a mouthpiece for HIV/AIDS awareness if she can’t even stay conscious for press events? Somebody force-feed that girl a potato chip or some beef jerky.

The other highlight of the show for me was reading about the gals’ hobbies and interests onscreen, which included “making people happy,” and “being social.” Ooh, me too!