Evite etiquette, anxiety and acrimony

So this NYT article really hit the nail on the head when it comes to the insanity that has become responding to an Evite. S and I are always commenting on how people get on our nerves when it comes to their Evite etiquette (or lack thereof).

In the early days of Evite, people simply responded a simple “yes,” “no,” or a “maybe” with a simple explanation of why they may or may not be able to make it. Now, as the article points out, RSVPing has evolved into an arduous effort to create clever one-sided repartee.

I think we need to return to simplicity because all this Evite nonsense is crazy. Here are my top Evite peeves:

LAME RESPONSES. One can tell when you’ve tried too hard to write your response—and people will call you out on it, or at least talk shit about you behind your back and tell everyone else at the party that so-and-so’s response was LAME—especially if the Evite host has crafted a particularly witty invite. I’ve had firsthand experience with this. (Not with generating a trying-too-hard response, but with people saying that they didn’t see why so-and-so respondent even attempted to match my Evite witticisms. Not to toot my own horn or anything.)

“TMI” RESPONSES. You don’t know 50 percent of the people on the Evite, so they don’t care if you have 12 other parties to go to that night. If anything, they’ll think that you are so insecure you need to announce to the world that you have a social life. A simple: “Have to run to another event that night. Will try to make it!” is good enough, you social climber.

PERPETUAL “MAYBE” MEN. These are the people who NEVER say they are coming to an event with 100 percent certainty. No wonder you sleep alone, you emotionally dead commitment phobe! I much prefer Yes Men or Naysayers.

HIDE-AND-PEEKERS. The host can tell when you’ve looked at the Evite, which means we can tell that you are choosing not to respond until you’re certain the people coming are worthy of your time. I’ve seen people check an evite every few days until the event, without giving any response. In the words of scorned women everywhere: “You can’t do better than me!”

SECOND-DEGREE RESPONDERS I know that sometimes in Evites hosts encourage you to invite friends, but eviting 20 friends, and having those friends evite their friends, instills this unnatural feeling of extreme annoyance in me. I mean, not just when people forward the evite info to their friends, but actually ADD them to the evite. And then those people respond as if they were first-degree guests! Admittedly, this is a nitpick pet peeve, but it still gets my grill. Stop crashing my party, fools!

Now that I’ve revealed my Evite pet peeves, I’m sure to undergo scrutiny whenever I craft a response or my next evite. Whatever, it had to be said.

In other news: But can they listen to your problems while looking hot?