Bunnies and bulls$!#

I’m not particularly superstitious or take horoscopes seriously, but I do find it curious that both my Eastern and Western signs reflect at least part of my personality (though I guess you could say that if you’re looking for it, you can find yourself in whatever new age mumbo jumbo you’re looking into).

Anyway, I’m a Taurus, and, according to one site, “Taureans are determined, productive, practical, reliable, resourceful and capable of generating great wealth. They will work slowly and steadily to achieve their ultimate goal. Ruled by Venus, Taurus loves material comforts, sensual pleasures and beauty. They take great pride in their possessions and assets. Taureans may be stubborn, but their steady demeanor makes them reliable and loyal.”

Ok. I can see myself in that, although I don’t know about the generating great wealth part. The only thing I seem capable of generating is great debt. But I am very slow-but-steady, practical, stubborn, reliable and loyal, so that’s good. But the rest of the description makes me sound like a shallow gold digger. My Chinese zodiac will make me sound better, I’m sure.

Not so sure about that, actually. I went on this site to check out what the “Rabbit Personality” is, and there was a very lengthy description. Here’s the good: merciful, elegant, amiable, love of the arts, strong sense of justice, diplomatic, and dislike of arguments.

But then there it was again: “A woman born in the year of the rabbit is beautiful and elegant, and she will prefer to be married to a kind, conservative millionaire than to a handsome, penniless man. Her husband must be a person who can provide her favorable material conditions, who can protect her and support her luxurious life style, and who can walk away whenever she is in low spirits.”

Again, the moon and stars and sun and tide and planets and whatever the hell else they use to come up with horoscopes are calling me a gold digger. It’s a good thing I don’t believe in those things, she sniffs. Harrumph.

At any rate, it’s the year of the Golden Pig, which apparently only comes around once every 600 years, so I decided to see what the Chinese zodiac says this year holds for me. I looked at a couple, and apparently I’m supposed to get loads of cash coming my way because of all the success I’ll have in business. This horoscope, however, seems to be a more realistic summary of what I should expect: It’s a good year for me to get married. (Or at least find romance.) I should expect a modest raise. And I’ll have 1 neutral and 11 good months. Yippee. I just have to watch out for some minor accidents. (I am pretty accident-prone.)

All that is in good fun, and I don’t take it seriously, but I did find a few statements pretty telling. I'll let those of you who know me decide if they are true or not:

“To those they love, they are gentle and kind, while to some other people they may be perfunctory and halfhearted, even cool and merciless.”

“They can hide their real features by their decent appearance when they face opponents, and then hurt them. By the time one discovers this, they will have tricked you.”

“Generally speaking, she will be someone you can get along well. She will be good company with whom to go shopping or to talk.”

BUT:

“She will always wear large and comfortable clothing, made of good material.”

IS MOST DEF NOT TRUE! I don’t wear oversized clothing, and I’m a bargain shopper, people.