Your love is better than ice cream, but not quite as good as chocolate

Can I just tell you how much I HATE articles like this — that is, articles that try to analyze and deconstruct love and relationships into its basest parts to figure out why successful couples work, and unsuccessful ones don't. I think the reason I hate them is that 1) they suck all the magic out of falling in love, and really only make you MORE depressed and jaded about relationships. Chocolate, love and drugs evoke the same brain chemistry -- so instead of going on that second date, I should get high and eat some double-fudge Oreos instead? And 2) it's a total waste of money. Scientists get all this funding to do all this research, only to come up with conclusions that are from the DUH files: In this instance, it's that men like hot women, so they'll try harder to keep them - which means becoming a whipped sucker--I mean, "supportive." I could have told you that in elementary school.

Can we just pretend for a minute that guys aren't that shallow and are willing to see beyond the physical, that they actually want a mate who is someone they emotionally connected with? Take today's episode of The Office, for instance. Jim and Pam are the "awww" couple of TV. They clearly had a solid friendship first, and, while Pam is cute, Jim gave up the much hotter Karen because of the connection he had to Pam. C'mon, he bought a ring for Pam a week after they started dating?! Let's say it all together: AWWWW!!!

Okay, so it's a television show, and not reality. But, I'd like to think that it still gives all us single schmucks out there a glimmer of hope. I'd like to think that you are feeling butterflies just because you like someone, not because your brain chemistry is telling you that what you really want is chocolate. Though I could really go for some bittersweet dark-chocolate chips right now.

Screw this. I think I'll go raid my kitchen cabinet.

My life as a grocery list

In some ways, I think my refrigerator reflects my mood at any given time. When I'm feeling good, trying to get to the gym on a regular basis, not feeling stressed at work, and having fun socially, I tend to eat better. I'll buy more fresh fruits and vegetables and "grown up" foods like cous cous, three-cheese tortellini, fresh mozzarella and Carr's water crackers. When I'm stressed out, working late, and in a general bad mood I end up buying like I'm a bachelor: chocolate, potato chips, hot dogs, and soda.

Well, I must have been in a real shitty mood the other day, because, I did something I almost never do: Buy microwaveable dinners. After coming home from work around 9 and feeling a general malaise with the world, this was my shopping list:

4 Banquet Chicken Pot Pies (they were 4 for $3)
two Mama Celeste individual microwaveable pizzas
Vienna Sausages (which I actually enjoy on a regular basis, good or bad mood)
A six-pack of cottage cheese with the special bacteria that makes you poo (have yet to try it out and see if it works)
A six-pack of Mott's apple sauce in the little individual cups that your mom used to pack in your lunch box.

All that was missing was a six-pack of Bud. My saving grace was buying some organic spinach, which I haven't eaten yet, but plan to, along with the Ken's Caesar dressing I bought.